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When I cheated, I made that error because I was being accused and punished for cheating when I was coming home and doing all the things I was taught a good man should do. When I came home tired from work, I was tired for being with someone else. When I was without money because my wife was spending money we did not have, I had to be out spending it on someone else.
I spent several years of marriage taking these acusations and after just too much of it, I became the dog she wanted and I cheated. What I later found out was that she was accusing me of cheating because she was out all along be with other men. Obviously, we are no longer together, but some men are being pushe out of their homes. In hind sight, I wish I had stood on my character and not stepped out.
Women say “All Men Cheat.” A great many women are out cheating while claiming to be the victim.
One issue that I believe that African Americans rarely discuss, when talking about things like this, is that there is such a thing as a sexual addiction. It does exist! Often in Black community we wrap things like this up as just an excuse or a lie. But I really believe that you can love someone and really not look at the act as cheating but as a real problem, that you can’t help or control, i.e. Kirk Franklin (porn), Eric Benet (Sex Addict).
Doug in my book “How to cheat and not get busted” I discuss the various reasons men and women cheat. Men cheat mostly as a choice while I therorize that women cheat when they feel something lacking emotionally. guys get caught because they get arrogant and sloppy.
Women may confess out of guilt or revenge.
Here’s my question, why are men allowed back after they cheat? If someone willingly shot you and left you paralyzed, would you continue to be their friend? That’s how the result of being cheated on by the one who you have loved and been faithful to feels, like you’re paralyzed. I don’t think men or anyone who cheats for that matter should be given the chance to find their way back. That’s the problem, when u let them back, u’re giving them permission to do it again. More women need to be like Elin Woods and end the romantic relationship at the first sign of trouble. When someone shows you who they are, believe it. And Mr. Dickson, stop it with that BS of encouraging this behavior of staying after you’ve been cheated on. Is that what you would tell your daughter? Doug? Rudy?
Doug, A big part of the problem, is that many couples become lovers without becoming friends, first. When one has a true friend as a companion they can share all of their cares and concerns without feeling that their partner will judge their thoughts, expressions, desires, as being improper, unimportant, or indecent. When a man has thoughts and desires that he can’t express because he knows he will receive a diatribe of critical, degrading and flippant replies, then there will be this suppressed unfulfilled side of him that if another women taps, can lead to if not physical cheating, at the very least emotional cheating. If a woman wants to be loved completely, she must be willing to stimulate the entire entity that is her man.
This is definitely a great answer and definitely goes along the lines of what I was thinking!
You hit it on the money. This is so true and vital to start as friends in the beginning and keep building the friendship. The love will develop within the friendship.
In response to the topic, although I didn’t get caught in the act of cheating. Prior to my getting married, I did disclose situations that occurred prior (during our engagement). The people involved weren’t in our circle or anyone that either one of us would ever run into, but I felt that that was someting needed in order for me to move forward without feeling some kind of way. When I cheated prior it wasn’t because I didn’t love my spouse or wasn’t getting what I needed, but it was more of a, “I still got it,” type of deal. It also went back to the being a hunter and just getting caught up in situations that I should have not put myself in.
When I did come clean, initially it was a shock, but overall appreciated and even allowed my spouse to open up about something that happened with him when we first met. In the end I think the openness and the understanding that as a man we have these urges, but we have to really weigh out the options and say, is that 30 seconds of euphoria really worth losing the best thing that every happened to me? So, these days if I see something I like, I often have to check myself and say you know what, it ain’t worth it! It can be hard, but definitely doable!
Another way to go about it is to allow your spouse to open with their attractions, talk them out, respectively and kind of laugh about it. Because for any person to say that they aren’t attracted or thought of another person woman/man. To me is the biggest LIE!
You probably cried just as much as your husband’s mistress and just because your husband bought a new car and house, does that mean he’s not still cheating? A wife who stays with a man that cheats on her has just as low self esteem as the woman the man cheats with. Yeah, he bought you a car and house, but what will you do when he brings you a STD or a stepchild? LOL to that…
He changed his number…but did she? she accepted him being a married man what makes you think she wasnt waiting for his call???? he did it once hes going to do it again!
What’s the name of the book?
Are you sure you aren’t my husband? Those of us who stay are not weak. We love our spouses. I recently found out that not only did he cheat, but he did father a child. Imagine getting a knock on the door to be served by the sheriff. I forgave because God forgives and the word of God says that in order to be forgiven, one must forgive. Do I trust him, not entirely. We both know that it will take some time to heal. But with all that, IT STILL HURTS. I know it hurts him more because he is afraid that at any time, I will / could be gone. It had nothing to do with sex because he was getting plenty at home. Not because of money, because his check was/ is his as I make six figures and pay EVERYTHING including his cell phone and car. He can’t love me because he don’t love God. In fact, he would send me to church conferences and sleep at / with these women. Ladies, trust your gut. Seek God through prayer and fasting. If it’s meant to be, God will have the final say. So until He / God tells me to leave, I’m here. Besides, leave for what, you can’t be taking that kind of baggage into anything new. It will mess you up. You need to be healed from the inside out. If you did nothing wrong, hold your peace and your head up Queen. God Bless:-D
I agree with you on this since I was recently in this situation. God has to handle it. It’s too much,
What was the name of the book?
I think the men are allowed back because the women love them even if a person does wrong you just dont stop loving them, hoping for better, wishing for change. It may not come and the cycle keeps going but eventually you get tired and the love peters outs and then there is nothing left. The relationship ends….
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