Dear Doug Letters

by Doug Banks Radio Show
Dear Doug,
My dad is cheating on my momma and I need some help.  My homeboy had to drop me off at my uncle’s house last weekend and when we pull up this chick is all up in my dad’s grill. We both good looking men and women be trying to get at my dad whenever we go out, but I don’t sweat it. But when we pull up, this chick hugs my dad and they both held on just a little too long, and she slid her hand on his ass.  I’m 17 so I know the game. And I KNOW he’s messing with this woman. I’ve seen this woman with my dad on another occasion. I’m losing respect for him as my dad, and it pisses me off ‘cause my momma respects him so.  She’s always saying what a good husband he is and she’s always telling me she hopes I grow up like him.  She always thought she got a “good” one and so did I.  I know I should stay out of grown folks business, but damn! I wanna tell my momma…I wanna confront my dad. What do I do?
If Momma Only Knew

Doug Banks Radio Show


  1. 27 September 13, 5:04pm

    Don’t tell your mom anything. Let it fall in her lap. When tell people stuff, it back fires and they end up getting mad At you. Being the wife, she may already know, and just won’t leave. When its time for her to know she will find out. Pray that she sees what she suppose to see. As for your relationship with your father, I feel you On loosing respect for him. U lost respect for mine, after his incident(affair,divorce,etc) with my mom..

  2. Wardell Kelly
    27 September 13, 5:12pm

    I would tell my Dad on Monday that I am going to tell my Mom on Friday and he should probably have his talk with her before than, but without a doubt I’m telling my mom.

  3. Queenie
    27 September 13, 5:22pm

    I would go to your dad first and let him know what you saw and how you are feeling, and pretty much let his ass know, if he don’t confess to your mom you will.

  4. Delores
    27 September 13, 6:25pm

    I think this young man should tell his father what he knows and tell him that he is gonna tell his mother if the father doesn’t tell. Give him 24 hrs then check w/ his Mom to see if Dad told the TRUTH – if not then tell his Mom what he saw!

  5. Ms Toni
    27 September 13, 6:37pm

    First of all, I am so very sorry that you have had to endure such a traumatic decision at the height of your teen years. At the tender age of 10, I found myself at such a decision. My thought is that you call a family meeting with your parents. Make it like its one of your friend’s that is going through it. Then present it by saying, that if this was you dad, how would you like for me to handle it? Let him answer, then proceed to do it the way you And your parents presented. Tell your Father what you saw and admonish him that what is done in the dark WILL come to the light. Tell him you need to see him do the honorable thing. Get ready for a lot of screaming, tears and tense evenings. Best wishes to you and stop with the potty mouth

  6. sara
    17 October 13, 10:41am

    As the respectable young man your mother and father is raising. Respect them both by speaking to your father about what you witness and the effect it has on you. Be honest and truthfully to your mother about what you witness and how you are feeling. If your parents are truely committed to their marriage they will appreciate your concern and seek counseling. Best wishes and good luck.

  7. 03 January 14, 2:07pm

    This is a pathology and it is just as his mother wishes. He is growing up to be just like his Dad or else why would he would he have such a dilemna? Many young men despise their fathers for abandonement, cheating, absenteeism, drunkedness, addictions, abuse, etc… and then grow up to repeat the same bad behaviors they depised from their own fathers. Every young man who felt abandoned or rejected by their father has rejected one or all of their own offspring. Every young man who despised his father’s domestic violence against the family, has repeated the violence and/or disrespect toward their mother, wife, or girlfriend. — The young man needs to first do a self assessment to clearly understand his own motives. IS the goal to correct his father’s behavior or prove his mother “wrong”? If the motive is the latter, his mother already knows about the father’s behavior and it doesn’t bother her. If the motive is to prove that his father is not “so good”, he needs to listen to the qualities that mom likes and try to aspire to those. If it is to correct his dad’s behavior, then confrontation without “hanging out” with dad while the “women” grope on them both needs to also stop. His behavior in dad’s presences has signaled consent, so he needs to be real clear on his issue(s) before taking any steps forward.

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