Dear Doug Letters
Dear Doug,
I listen to your show daily and I especially love your Dear doug letters.
I am a white man and I have been married to an African American woman for 6 yrs. We have a daughter and our relationship is seemingly great . We don’t have many of the problems that your other listener’s have. When I married my wife she was a kind woman with a beautiful spirit who didn’t see color how ever in the last year things have changed. I don’t want to attribute it to the recent racial turmoil surrounding the re-election of our President but it can’t be anything else.
Since these overbearing campaigns that took place prior to the election she made some drastic changes. Her appearance and her attitude changed dramatically. When we met she wore extension or a weave, now all of a sudden she is natural. The non denominational church we went to was no longer “welcoming to her” and “no one looked like her”. So now we attend an all black Baptist church. I don’t know her anymore.
I know that people have change but we have another person to think about. Our daughter needs to both sides of her culture. I don’t think that she will fair well in society if she hears her mother calling her dad “Mister” or “Massah” as she has done here recently. She goes overboard with the black history teaching and frankly I can’t take it anymore.
I am thinking about leaving and taking my daughter with me. I don’t want to subject her to these racial injustices. I want her to see no color as I thought her mother did long ago. Am I wrong to believe you can’t see color? Any help here?
Stranger in My House
He needs to wake up to the fact that there is no such thing as “not seeing color.” If you don’t see a person’s color, then you don’t see that person and you are failing to acknowledge a huge part of that person. What you do is not treat a person differently because of their color, not be blind and fail to see it.
Her problem is that she has gotten a wake up call to how racist this society really is. She has seen the closet racists pull their masks off and put their hoods back on. She is finding it increasingly difficult to look at this white man in her home in the face of the increased displays of outright hatred and racism.
She realizes that he doesn’t see her for who she is, because he won’t acknowledge that she is black and he is white and marriage or not, they have different life experiences because of it. If he doesn’t see her as black, he doesn’t respect her as a black woman. If you can’t talk about race with other races, then there is a problem. Being blind to it doesn’t solve it.
So, wake up white man. Open your eyes to life’s realities.
Vanessa, I agree. I wonder if she denied who she was in order to fit into his “white world”. We know we have some blacks who deny who they are in order to fit in with whites (I did it for a while until I woke up. That is why I can speak on it). I went around thinking there is no color until I reality hit me in the face. We are only hearing one side of this so it is really unfair to this woman. RACE MATTERS and EVERYONE see color in some way or another. Look at President Obama. He is half white yet alot of white folks still HATE him regardless to what color his mother was in life. There are even some blacks who do not think Obama is NOT black enuf. In some of these blacks folk mind, why is Obama, who is half white, being viewed as black? Sorry but that is the way it goes. This white guy can take his daughter all he wants, at the end of the day, she is going to have to deal with race. I know even some biracial children who have racial issues within their family. Some biracial are viewed too dark and some have issues with being too light. I know one or two black children raised by white parents who now have issues with race and how they were treated because of race. This girl is four but when she reaches the age of 13 and up, she will get a wake up call whether if it comes from her parents, other family members, or the world. even with blacks, we are starting to say things like, “I do not want to date or deal with black women/black men” yet these kind of blacks want to think they are color blind because they are dating/marrying white, NOT. You are still seeing color. We just have to deal with it just as we have to deal with people killing, stealing, lying, back bitting, gossiping, etc (Even though we all SIN, we still JUDGE other people). If we can not stop physical hate, we are NOT going to stop mental hate.
Doug, I’m an AA woman that’s in a 14 month relationship with a Caucasian man with whom I love very much. Both he and I DO NOT see color, but only each other. We fell in love with the individual and not with the color of our skin. So I agree with the gentleman when he states that he wants his daughter to not see color and doesn’t want to subject her to such behavior. However, I do believe that if he loves his wife then they should get counseling so she can be open and honest about her change in behavior and so he can also understand before he makes any rash decisions. Not having both parents in the household and not be able to embrace both cultures will only cause more harm. and the woman needs to know and understand that if she has a good husband that loves her and he’s a good father that’s in the childs life then she better wake up before she loses a good thing!!!
Sorry Genell, ALL PEOPLE see color including you. There is no such thing as a color blind person. Do you judge your own race? I bet you do. Again, no one is color blind.
if you really listen to the letter it seems like she’s having some kind of a nervous breakdown.
This may be a mental health issue and not just an emotional one. It’s almost like she woke up and realized she’s black . My concern is one day she’ll wake up and realize that her daughter is too.
Just wonder if there are some other issues. How old is his wife? Is she perimenopausal? Hormones are something else! You start doing and saying things that you have no idea why. And there is something called “mean menopause”. Maybe before he leaves they should think about counseling, or meds. I’m just saying is all.
Hi everyone! I feel he needs to have a serious talk with his wife and start it by stating he will not tolorate being disrespected. Reguardless of your color; having someone being disrespectful towards you is unacceptable on all levels. He needs to ask her what triggered this turn around in her. She didn’t just wake one morning and just become pro-black. Something happen and he needs ask her what is or maybe admit to something he did or said that triggered this behavior. As far as not seeing color…he needs to let that notion go. That is not a realistic out look in this world. EVERYONE sees color and his daughter will be looked upon as being a black woman. Yes teach her both side of her heritage but she must be told that she is a black woman. Is that unfair; yes because she is two ethnicities. But we live in world that is ran by color; not color blind.
I agree. It is wrong to judge people on looks but hey WE JUDGE PEOPLE BASED ON LOOKS. What if President Obama was not dress neatly and had dreads, do anyone really think PRESIDENT OBAMA would have been picked to be President if he looked unneat with pimples and with dreads? I think NOT.
Hello doug! Dig This, people need to wake up to whats real. first of all we are one race.being able to conduct organ transplants proves that but we are of different ethic origins.only two things could be happening either his wife is being filled miss information or she is getting down with a black man come on to suddenly start disrespecting the brother is insane after all he is family beings racism is about divide and conquer.putting two or more groups against one another for a selfish motive.color is for crayons we are americans some of us are just lighter or darker. One Planet, One People ,One Plan ,{Peace}
Stephen, like it or not, race matters. This is not uncommon for some people in this relationship. Maybe she gave up who she is in order to fit into his world and now she has woke up.