Dear Doug Letters
Dear Doug,
I am a single 35 plus year old woman with an issue about family. Let me give you a little background I just moved into my own place after being unemployed for about 2 years (I worked but not a full time gainful job) I am back on my feet now. I was living with my mom, I just got out of a relationship about 4 months ago so I am emotionally scarred and unavailable and I am tired of being the family go to person, fix this, and beat up liaison for everyone.
This leads me to my problem. My sister and I have an ok relationship. We aren’t very close she isn’t very open and friendly. We are almost complete opposites. She also has a very real issue with alcoholism. She’s been to treatment, treatment, retreatment and been hospitalized due to her disease. She drinks till she passes out and has multiple DUI’s. She has lost her marriage and job behind this and nothing much has changed. Well lately she has been hinting that she might want to come live with me at the end of her lease to save money. I can’t! I know she is family and I love her but I can’t deal with her issues and my own right now.
My mom chastised me when I told her I didn’t think this was an option for me. She said people helped me when I was down and I should do the same. I am willing to help her but I can’t live with her. I don’t condone her drinking and this wouldn’t be acceptable at my house. I know this would further damage our already sad relationship. Am I being selfish by stopping this disaster before it happens? I need this time to myself; I am repairing me, in the words of Iyanla “I’m doing my work”. She needs to do hers and we can’t do that work together, not in the same house. Am I wrong and how should I handle this?
Am I my sister’s keeper
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My young Sister. I’m reminded of Tyler Perry’s movie, ‘I Can Do Bad All By Myself,’ with the choice he had to make with his wife. I know you may be feeling guilty about your choice in this situation with your sister but trust me, You, and only you, can forsee this outcome based on your experiences with your sister. Trust your own choices for the way you want to live your life and ask God for guidance. He doesn’t leave His children stupid. This I know. It’s a hard decision and I know you’re torn. But I always say that ‘Some choices are made with the head. Some choices are made with the heart. Wisdom comes i knowing when to let the other one rule.’ How about that?
Check out my novel, ‘Choices Of The Head / Choices Of The Heart’ on Amazon or Barnes and Noble or my website at Choices2.net, My writings are all about the choices my young sisters and brothers are making in this cold cruel world. It’s all about choices because ‘The choices we make in life dictate the kind of life we live.’ Just look at your sister.
Much Love,
Pamela
I was her sister. I was into drinking, drugs and anything else that I could. I lived day to day and when was I going to get another drink. My family did nothing to help me and was determined that I do this on my own. After many years I have a degree, a job, a house and family. I thank my family for not helping me because I was weak then, but now I am a strong woman.
I do not think that she should help her sister because her sister needs to start to believe in herself and pick herself up and get clean.
Robin
No she shouldn’t let her stay with her. She says she’s hinting that she wants to leave with her sister to SAVE money. She says nothing about bcz she wants help. She (letter writer) is just getting herself together and the sister could bring her down. She already said if she does allow her to move-in it will damage their relationship. No. Don’t let her move in.
its clear the people who keep saying the writer should take her sister in obviously have no clue what control addiction has on the person and how it can affect and destroy a family. the reason rehab has not worked is because the sister is not ready to change. the key statement that i heard was that the writer said she was working on her own issues. therefore she can not help anyone sister or not until she feels her own “stuff” is resolved. So no, the writer should not take the sister in. yes love her and pray for her but from afar and do not let the sisters demons enter and destroy the work the writer is currently doing.