Dear Doug Letters
I am a single 35 plus year old woman with an issue about family. Let me give you a little background I just moved into my own place after being unemployed for about 2 years (I worked but not a full time gainful job) I am back on my feet now. I was living with my mom, I just got out of a relationship about 4 months ago so I am emotionally scarred and unavailable and I am tired of being the family go to person, fix this, and beat up liaison for everyone.
This leads me to my problem. My sister and I have an ok relationship. We aren’t very close she isn’t very open and friendly. We are almost complete opposites. She also has a very real issue with alcoholism. She’s been to treatment, treatment, retreatment and been hospitalized due to her disease. She drinks till she passes out and has multiple DUI’s. She has lost her marriage and job behind this and nothing much has changed. Well lately she has been hinting that she might want to come live with me at the end of her lease to save money. I can’t! I know she is family and I love her but I can’t deal with her issues and my own right now.
My mom chastised me when I told her I didn’t think this was an option for me. She said people helped me when I was down and I should do the same. I am willing to help her but I can’t live with her. I don’t condone her drinking and this wouldn’t be acceptable at my house. I know this would further damage our already sad relationship. Am I being selfish by stopping this disaster before it happens? I need this time to myself; I am repairing me, in the words of Iyanla “I’m doing my work”. She needs to do hers and we can’t do that work together, not in the same house. Am I wrong and how should I handle this?
Am I my sister’s keeper