Dear Doug Letters
Dear Doug,
I am 32 years old woman about to disown my 51 year old momma.
Why because she has lost her damn mind!
Two years ago my momma shocked the whole family and divorced my father. This came out of left field and no one could really understand. Well I think we have figured out the real reason. My mother came out the closet 5 months ago. She is a lesbian. Yes Doug I am shocked too! I am so hurt. I should have known by her recent changes in appearance and lifestyle tell the story. Her partner is also someone she works with and has recently moved in.
I have kids and don’t want them exposed to this lifestyle just yet. My mom says they need to be exposed to the real world. At what age should I have introduced my kids who are 7 and 9 to a different way of living or should I have to? Am I wrong for not wanting to explain to my kids at this age that people make different choices in life?
Should I explain it to them and let them go visit grandma and her “special” friend or should I keep them away until they are a little older?
I’ll just be damned!
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It sounds like the 32 year old is having her own acceptance issues. Maybe she needs to deal with them first and then concentrate on her children.
They all sound as if they could stand some professional counseling. The 32 year old needs to realize that being gay is not a disease or anything bad and she should teach her children that people fall in love with each other and that grandmother happens to have fallen in love with another lady.
I think that if she LOVES her mother, she would allow the grandchildren to be around the grandmother. There is nothing like a grandmother’s love.
Well put.
Yes it is dude next thing your say it’s ok for a brother and brother and a sister and sister, mother and Son and Father and daughter to have sex then bring your kids around that. Standard!
I would say Grandma can come visit them alone until the mother is ready to expose them to that kind of lifestyle and that why she wont be keeping her children away from their grandmother
AGREE
I agree with you Marla and Kelvin. The 32 year old mother need to deal with her acceptance first. Then she may be more comfortable with allowing her children to be with the grandmother. Plus, she could still be dealing with her parents divorce as well.
I agree to that. I feel that she should allow her childrento see her on her terms, let the gdmother visit w/o the other person. We have gotten so far from the Bible, that we just let anything go and say its ok. Well, it is not ok. Before she allow this she should talk it over with her children and explain her morals about the situation and explain her the gdmother’s choice. Don’t take the children away from the grand. Just as it was made mention, there’s nothing like a gdmother’s love. Educate your children because it is all around and before other children find out because kids can be cruel.
I think grandmama need to go back to church and get a good old fashioned bible beat down this is not the real world its the spirit of homesexuality that has her and she old enough to know better. God created adam and eve not anna and eve nor adam and steve I would supervise my kids around grandma and grandma only until my kids are old enough to know and understand whats really up!!! Not judging just sayin
Funny…but what you just said is exactly what judging IS.
Be care what you say. She may go there ( are read a book about religion )and find that God was invented by man.
first and foremost y is her grown 32 year ass still living wit her momma, thats her house, take ur 2 kids n get out, figure out the right time 2 explain 2 da babies, thet wont get it, but at least they r not exspose 2 it,,,
It said nothing about her living with her mother. Reading is FUNDAMENTAL!!!
The letter doesn’t say that she is living with her mom.
I see my grandchildren and I’m a crossdresser and gay but I sat my daughter down and had a heart to heart talk about how to handle this and it brought us closer both my grandchildren know me as grandpa and grandma and have met my partner it depends on how the daughters relationship was with her mother in the past but my grandchildren accwpt me for who I Am but all I’m saying is don’t keep your children away from the grandparents even if there gay or lesbian. Period because when they get older they may reaent the parents and what if tour children turn out being gay or lesbian when get older willyou treat then like you treqt their grandparents let’s think about what were doing enough said
Do not it make right Guy ! Because thing feels good don’t mean it is right, just like going to the Deep South sister and sister let them get married that’s ok what about Father and Daughter is that ok as long as it feel good and they not hurt anyone, then we expose are kids to that to. For real! So if you say that’s ok with the mom your say this ok to!
The two things people are obsessed with regarding this issue – even though they are afraid to admit it – are 1) the grandmother’s bedroom, and 2) the sex the grandmother is having in that bedroom with her partner. If people can just get their mind out of that gutter, they can more clearly focus on this issue.
How did this woman’s mother behaved around the children before she came out? Did she make out with her husband in front of the kids when she was still married? I don’t mean a nice kiss hello or goodbye. I mean did she behave in a sexual manner with her husband in front of the grandkids? Did she talk to the kids about sex and what happens in the bedroom while she was with her husband? If so, then those kids should never be around her. Ever.
But if she behaved like a grandmother: smothering the kids with hugs and kisses, putting cartoons on the TV, taking them shopping, spoiling them a little with candy, pop, and hot dogs – like all grandmas – then she will likely do the same even though she now has a woman as her partner.
Tell your kids that grandma has found someone she is in love with and who loves her. Let them know that the person happens to be a woman. Tell them they might see their grandma and the other women hug or give a quick smooch on the mouth, but that is it. Trust your mother enough that your she is not going to put sex toys and slings on display. Trust your mother enough to know that she is not going to expose your kids to sex. If your mother is a responsible adult, your children will likely come back to you after a visit to their grandma with stories of watching fun movies, going to the park, helping to bake cookies, playing outside, playing video games and such.
If you want to tell the kids that your religion frowns upon same-gender relationships, fine. But tell the kids because of your love for your mother and the relationship she has with her grandkids, you don’t want to stand in the way.
It’s not being afraid to admit it. That’s the reality of it. Being a lesbian means that you have sex with only women. I have a relationships with women. Some I’ve known most of my life and love them, but I don’t sleep with them. Her mother kept it a secret for this long, then she can most certainly wait a little longer until her grandchildren are old enough to understand.
Actually, you make a lot of sense, Randi. And now I’ve decided I’m going to stop letting my kids go to my father and step-mother’s house. Because they have sex in their bedroom and my kids are too young to know about sex. Any kind of sex. And because my father has sex with his wife in their bedroom, it’s inappropriate for my kids to be anywhere in that house near my father and his wife while that bedroom they have sex in is sitting there just taunting my children and exposing them to the sex my father is having with his wife. I’m going to tell my father that he will have to wait until my kids are old enough to understand sex before he can see his grandkids again.
AJ, you know what I mean. Two women or two men sharing the same bed is not the norm. Her mom pretended for over 32 years. Surely she can wait a little longer so that her family can get used to her new lifestyle. I’m not saying that it’s right or wrong, but it is different and warrants whatever time is needed for acceptance.
Randi, I can definitely agree with that. The adults should all have a conversation with one another. There needs to be time for healing and acceptance. The mother should be honest with her daughter and her family why she was too afraid to be truthful about who she was for such a long time. They could all use some counseling. The mom should accept and encourage her daughter to take some time to get used to everything.
But in the end – those children will miss out if they are not allowed to see their grandmother eventually. Trust, even if the children grow up and remain die-hard Christians, it will unfortunately still be their mother their anger will be directed toward. The children will be able to handle this much more than the adults. To them, grandma is still just grandma.
Hopefully, time and honesty and communication will prevail…
@AJ Moore: AMEN!
I think the Grandmother, has her own life stlye and it should be her own. As for the kids they should not be exposed due to the age and the other factors of concussion about sex, that will come. I do not believe the Grandmother would be exposing the kid,but better to go with your first mind. I do have friend that are Gay, very good people. Talk to them first. kelvin
The 32 yr.old needs to get over it. Let moma live her life no matter what her sexual preference. And to say you disown your own mother, thats crazy. And no she havn’t lost her damn mind, on the other hand u have. If she let her kids watch TV, they’re beening exposed to a whole lotta funny business. Whether she believe it or not.
While her fears are valid, they are misplaced. The best course of action here is to be honest with her Children. lying or denying them time with their grandmother is only going to create an unnecessary, avoidable dissonance, not only between the mother and her children, but between the children and their grandmother. Kids know what’s going on.
I pray that the mother of the grandchildren keep those children away that couple. This is a bad thing , it has been a bad thing since the begining of time. If soap and water alone was able to drive out the demonic sprit that causes this behavior , Sodom and Gomore would still exist. please consider that the Bible says God literally turns his face away, this act turns his glory to shame, causing the truth about him to be a lie. The bible says he then will do the worst thing God can do to a living soul as thats to turn them over to a reprobate mind. ( meaning they cannot recieve his holy spirit , no knowledge will ever get through). Lest they repent they will surely go to hell.
As I listened to the show today and read these comments concerning it, tears are literally in my eyes, one caller touched my heart so, when she said its 2013 now. I know now why Jesus weeps for the world. The year has nothing to do with the holiness of the Lord. Jesus said when he was here that he came not to bring peace on the on earth, but to set apart the mother from the daughter and father from the son. I am possitive that the people who left these comments , and the callers to the show today all claim they know God. And that is very sad to me because they know NOTHING.
I believe that it is important to tell the children the absolute truth and the whole truth. If the daughter is a Christian and trying to raise her children as Christians who follow Gods word. Clearly she should tell the kids, ” the lifestyle (gay) which grandma is now living is in contradiction to God’s word and as such we will not condone the behavior. We can love her and her partner will stand in total disagreement of their lifestyle choice.” And if the grandmother loves her daughter then she should respect her enough to accept her decision to stand solid on her values and principles. Bottom line we are not obligated nor required to accept and/or ,embrace other people’s lifestyle if we so choose.
Jenny, this is the best response thus far. It explains the situation without condemning. Excellent!
Children only see and know love in the purest forms, their feelings are only tainted and poisoned by adults that introduce the negativity. As long as their gay relationship is not being flaunted in front of the children, which can be flaunted by straight people in relationships, there is no need to stop the relationship between a grand mother and her grand children. Yes, the mom does have the responsibility to keep them from being exposed to certain lifestyles, but face it, the mom have the right to be straight just as her mother is to be gay. No matter what, the children will suffer and all adults should think of them first. If we cast out family members for being different, what is next? Abandon relatives that are not light skinned enough? Get over it, gay people have a right to be gay, just like straight people have a right to be straight. Stop poisoning the children and allow them to be children. Just as we did, they will decide when the time comes.
I disagree with the callers that say it’s 2013. That has nothing to do with the issue. I’m not ready to accept Homosexual realtionships. I’m not ready for a society that says anything the goes is okay with me. How do we rationalize all our past history aganist such behavior and say well it fine because it’s 2013. It one thing to agree with the behavor and another to amit defeat in the cultural war aganist traditional values. It’s definally a tough situation be be in, but you can’t just agree wiht anything goes. Maybe they have an understanding that Grand Mother’s friend is a friend. Never putting it in the same reference as a relationship as a man and woman would have.
Thanks for the Question
God gave us free will but also standards to live by. The Bible has not changed. We conform to God’s standards in the Bible and not the other way around. It is clear who will not inherit His kingdom. (1st Cor 6:9-19). The choice is live the way you want in Satan’s world now or follow God’s laws and principles for a chance in paradise. This is Satan world. Period.
So everyone who saying that its ok that mom of 7 and 9 year old child to accept what her mother do, Then we should say its ok for a (Mom)brother and sister to have sex a live together that’s ok and a Mom and daughter as long they of age and you will Accept it, Oh yes let your kids be exposé to that kind of life and that age, I love my mom but I love my God more! Respect and honor flow two ways Wow!